Doggy Stories
These are a collection that I have gathered from different emails that I have
received and felt that others might enjoy. It is not my intention to  infringe on any
copywrites and if you find that I have done so please contact me.
New Dog Owner's House Rules
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only, but has to stay off the new couch.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on     
    the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
Dog Property Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, it's yours.
How to Photograph your new puppy....
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first        
      thing in the morning.
Buy a Dog

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove
the sports section...buy a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing
you...buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says it's not
quite as good as his mother made...buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you
want...buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and
can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies...buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and
whom you can push off if he snores...buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticises what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or
ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of
listening to , and loves you unconditionally, perpetually...buy a dog.

But, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores
you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs
around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire
existence is solely to ensure his happiness...buy a cat.
Pets Live Here

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our
Pets.

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter        
 who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and doesn't speak clearly.
Things I can learn from a dog:

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right          
        back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.